I might be trans and I dont want to

I am a 21-year-old male. I look pretty masculine, even intimidating, 1.80 cm, thick eyebrows, a very gorilla-like skull lmao. 

And, tbh, I am kinda transphobic. Of course, I don't go around harassing trans people. It's just that I think there are a lot of 'trans' people that are just mentally ill people... Like those guys on TikTok that let their beards grow completely and don't even change their deep tone of voice but go around screaming at people for misgendering them and demand to be perceived as women.

From what I know, there is a way to know if someone is actually trans, which has to do with something going on in the brain. I remember I read that years ago on some website. So I believe there is a percentage of actually trans people, and then there are people that just use it to get attention, like those people on TikTok faking disabilities.

The point is, I have been called transphobic for sharing this opinion about trans people. But, reading about all this stuff, I found the term egg. And I kinda felt called out, but not really? I don't know. I'm confused.

I always thought: ''Every guy has thought they would like to be a girl sometimes in their life'' But I saw trans people saying this is something that eggs feel? Honestly, I do feel like that quite often...  And when I start to think about it, there are a lot of weird things that are all about me being an egg... 

I have always liked androgynous or feminine male characters in the media. I like things usually associated with femininity, you know, pink, purple, flowers, cute things, etc. I do remember that when I started using social media as a kid I used female characters from anime that I liked as profile pictures. And when people started mistaking me for a girl, I actually started larping as one. 

I did it for the giggles surely, but when I was older, I used to not reveal if I was a boy or a girl, using a pink cat character I like from an anime as a profile picture, and I kinda liked the idea of people perceiving me as a girl, or at least not perceiving me as a guy. Then I started changing my username in some apps, and when I looked for names to use, a lot of the time I really liked names, but they were female names...

I also tried to draw a character to use as an avatar to be a vtuber, and I realized, it looked a lot like a girl, and nothing like me irl. I hated that difference, but I couldn't help to feel like the feminine design was a more true representation of myself...

I also remember I tried my sister's job uniform. It was the top part of a suit, made for females only. I tried it as a joke, but I actually liked wearing it... I also tried and liked a jacket with sparkles. It was my sister's too.

After getting my first job, I went shopping, and I tried some pink jeans. I was told they were for males, yet they looked soooo feminine. I loved them, but of course I didn't buy them because I knew I would look dumb to other people. 

I also usually get along better with girls, and usually in family gatherings I end up with all the women in my family while the rest of the men are together somewhere else.

I even did an online test to see if I am trans, just for curiosity. At the end, it said I was trans, and I felt happy. I even smiled like an idiot. But then I realized that cannot be true, so why did I get so happy? I may be one of those crazy idiots that like to feel special and that's why I'm starting to think I might be trans? 

Sometimes I even wish I didn't have a penis. It's annoying to have one. But I don't really feel body dysforia, nor do I want a vagina or breasts... Or at least I don't think I want them. I don't know, I just... know that sometimes, out of nowhere, there is a thought that appears in my mind: ''I just wish I was a girl''. And every time that happens, I cringe so hard, and I get mad at myself, because that's not true, so why does that thought cross my mind? Is it an intrusive thought? I am against all of this gender-exploring stuff, and I dislike the trans community, or at least the most overly sexual, radical and noisy part of it. So why do I have these feelings? It's so annoying... 

Even if it was true, and I am a trans girl, it's just stupid. I would never be a real girl. Even if I transitioned, I would never be the girl I want to be when I have those thoughts in my mind. Besides, I like women, so, this just doesn't make any sense. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I am idealizing traits of women for some unknown reason. Besides, my family would never accept me if I was actually trans, and I can't do that to my mom, not after all she has suffered. I am so alone already. Can you imagine if I came out as trans? 

I don't understand what's wrong with me... What do I do?