Went on a stupid app called "monkey" where you video chat with strangers...

I honestly deserve to kill myself. You have to understand the amount of damage I am capable of doing to someone else's mood/day/vibe just by existing. Or by doing even less than that. Well I go on this stupid app to video chat with strangers and I didn't even last one single second with anybody before they swiped off of me. I don't understand what do I have to do? Why am I alive? Why do I have to watch all the people with friends flourish and live lives worth living?