forced to wear hijab

i'm 16, born muslim and forced to wear the hijab since i was around 14. my parents forcd it upon because i got sexually assaulted when i was 14 and they told me that it would "protect me" but honest everytime i put it on i feel like i want to die. whenever i go out with friends ill wear the hijab but take it off in the bathroom once i get there, then put it back on before they pick me up.

they sent me to an islamic school where wearing hijab is mandatory and at first i thought that id only have to wear it at school, but soon after i discovered that they would not let me go out without it and it is so draining. i have never felt so down, depressed and ugly. i no longer feel like myself, for who i am has been sealed by having to cover my hair. the thing is, i have a pretty alternative style of clothing and when i got forced to wear it, it was like i became a completely different person. i didnt feel like me. i have to wear skirts, girly clothes, and baggy clothes and it sucks because i cant just wear a band tee and call it a day.

i hate this. i hate this so much. i went to my school paychologist and recently got diagnosed with severe depression and ptsd. ive ranted to her about my problems with hijab and she told me to slowly take it off when i graduate (which is in a couple months)

i keep telling myself over and over again that i just need to suffer for a couple more months, but i feel so ugly with it. i cant even express myself because you know when you wear hijab that you have to have this certain image of a "soft and gentle" woman, at least thats what ive seen. i hate not being able to JUST BE A TEENAGER i truly hate it so much i cant even do cute hairstyles.

its not only about how it looks (although ill never look as beautiful with hijab than without it) its also about how it makes me feel physically and mentally. mentally it drains me and my self esteem is at an all time low. physically it chokes me and makes my head feel so heavy (yeah ik its only a piece of cloth, but i have really bad sensory issues and a strong gag reflex lol) my mom tells me to wear it covering my neck and chest, and when i wore it and showed a bit of my neck to just BREATHE she wont allow me.

i am so sick and tired of this.