My penis exploded

Hey guys, ok so here’s the deal. About a couple months ago I bought this cheap pager from Israel. I unboxed it and set it on my lap trying to turn it on and then BOOM!!! Out of nowhere, just left a big hole in my jeans. And yeah, those were nice jeans, I’m kind of bummed about that. But anyways, yeah, my jeans weren’t the only thing that got shredded. So my penis…..

The little battery explosion, well it shredded my penis. Like all ten inches of my penis were blown up, leaving me with, well… nothing. Just my balls. But ChatGPT said there was a 99.8% chance my penis would grow back to its original length within a month and I was like ok, no big deal.

Anyways, more than four months have passed and I haven’t seen any regrowth. Is this normal? Guys? Starting to get a little worried here. Like this is the longest I’ve had to go without jerking off, and you know? Rubbing my balls doesn’t really do anything, like I need a penis in order for the whole jerking off thing to work.

That’s the only real drawback here. But I guess it’s ok if my penis doesn’t grow back. The gym bros said my muscular body looks pretty cool now that it’s penisless, with nothing but a big pair of balls down there. My balls are even bigger than they were before and the gym bros love watching them swing back and forth all on their own. Oh and I’ve gained a ton of muscle mass. Must be all those no-fap gains. So yeah, that’s a huge plus honestly, like no biggie if my penis won’t come back. I’ll just continue being a muscular penisless wonder with big balls. Gym bros thinks I look masculine AF flaunting my dickless balls with my big penis cut off, and I got a cool story on how I lost it. Anyways, yeah. LMK if the regrowth thing will happen, if not that’s good too. Thanks, Bye!!!

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TLDR: Don’t buy defective exploding pagers from Israel, they may leave you without a penis. Lost all ten inches of my penis and jerking off is not possible anymore, but the no-fap gains are pretty legit. With the penis gone, the view of my balls is completely unobstructed and the gym bros said it looks pretty cool.