WHY I CAN'T DO IT

Hi im 16 i have FUCKING 11 suicide attempts, and i wanna ask WHY why can't i die, i don't wanna talk about my meaningless life, bc the size of it could be a 2 books, i don't wanna live but i fucking can't die, i try everything, Hanging, cutting the veins, blood bath(or something like this), even starving and overdosage, but im still here WHY