Panic attacks really changed me for the better :)

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE JUDGING

So i struggled with panic attacks, depersonalization and agoraphobia since January this year and now starting to recover and im at like 80% better. I still get anxiety but not fully panicking now.

At the start i was having up to 10 panic attacks daily ... I mean terrible panic attacks where my face felt getting squeezed of pain and chest aches like crazy...

Before this i used to be MMA fighter and used to have my name among ppl in my area (I live in Oslo Norway and originally Syrian/Arab) and i used to always feel like a very tough guy since i was so familiar with martial arts and always would be seen as a very intimidating person. But always before a fight or in a confrontation with hostile ppl i would get anxiety and this was always me.. I was always scared internally and even though i played martial arts and even though i had a very tough growing up i would always be scared of everything but would always compensate by building muscles and try to always show ppl that im tough on the outside but on the inside always would feel anxious about various things.

2024 January i drank a monster energy drink and i got the worst panic attack + depersonalization in my life... I have never got this bad panic ever and went to the ER thinking i was loosing my mind. From 18. January i started having severe anxiety and panic all day long.. This means all day everyday and for months but after a while i started having good and bad days.

And guys let me tell you... I have experienced war in Syria as child. This means as 14 years old i was hearing shooting, bombing on a daily basis or extremely frequent. It was very common for me to see blood, murder, random shooting and attacks + I was very into martial arts but let me tell you the anxiety you get while having a panic attack + depersonalization was 10x what i felt in real war. Like it really makes you suicidal to the fullest.. Like even in very bad life threatening situations you still have hope but during panic you feel just pure terror that just cant be described...

After that horrible experience something really strange happened. I started to really grow internally and for the first time ever in my life i can fully say that i became proud of who i became. Few weeks ago a guy was trying to start a fight with the bus driver and was scaring everyone in the bus so i step to him and told him to come out and fix the issue with me instead. As soon as we were outside and i was so pissed of him the guy saw the aggression and just did not want to fight me but while in the moment just before we were about to throw punches i had 0 anxiety. Like none!!

I got in my situations where ppl would get scared or intimidated by it but i still can hold my ground with zero anxiety nowadays and ppl be like how were you that calm? For me it feels if the panic attacks and DPDR really took my anxiety tolerance from 1 to 100 and now no matter what happens i still feel zero anxiety or even if i feel some it don't bother me anymore..

Let me tell you this.. I experience war, life threatening situations, jail, street fights, sparring heavy in mma/boxing and i still can assure you that none of those did make me feel 10% what the panic does. Especially depersonalization where the existential crisis can be a daily thing. Nothing can prepare human for this and if you make it throughout this i can assure you that your inner strength is like 10x before. Because what is worse for real? Panic attack feel like constant angel of death pulling your soul out and still you survive and feel it more and more.

You guys are the strongest ppl alive... Much love