Teen groomed by older men.

I am 18F. Excelled in academics and extracurriculars. A public speaker. Now a failure with poor mental health.

At 14, I Met a guy online who is now 28. We got into an LDR. He taught me sexting and sharing nudes. Do sexual VCs. I thought he loved me. However, there was much toxicity and manipulation. I would cry myself to sleep every night. This went on for three years. Off on relation. He broke up and is now looking for a suitor for marriage. I loved him immensely. But he only loves me sexually. I understand that. But, Why sexualize a teen so much in the name of love? This has become so normal for me—sexting with multiple older men and fulfilling their sexual requests from the age of 14. Receiving such texts makes me feel fulfilled instead of gross.

Things started to improve when I met a 25-year-old guy a few months ago. I felt a genuine connection. He confessed his love to me. He did sexualize me, but I felt a sense of respect and security. I started to regain my lost confidence and stopped entertaining all this stuff. But fate is tragic. He went into depression after suffering drastic losses and left me. Left everyone.

I admit I have been heavily attracted to older men since 11. I was never interested in any of the boys from my school. I seldom hang out as my parents are very strict. Virtual was the only way for me. But what feels strange is how these men get attracted to me. Confess their love for me.

My heart feels heavy. I contacted the former guy, and I realized how weak I was in front of him. Had it not been for my strict parents. I would have been sexually abused for sure. They would request to meet me but I would refuse due to fear of my parents.

I did pretty horribly in JEE—85 percentile. I have a physics board exam in two days. I can't study. The traumas resurface. I want to go back to them. It grosses me out, but I can't help myself but get sexualized by older men. My school therapist dismissed my emotions. My parents have great expectations of me. I do not have anyone to express my emotions. I apologize for venting. My mental health is ruined. I can't forgive myself or him. Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have.

TLDR: Teen gets groomed and over-sexualized by older men in the name of love. Always been attracted to older men since 11. Mentally unstable after getting abandoned. Unable to excel in academics.