How did you overcome shame?

TRIGGER WARNING SH

I'm 19F and ive been made to have internalised homophobia. I dont know a single lesbian in my life let alone anyone from the lgbt community sadly. I'm born in the UK but rasied by Pakistani muslim parents who are extremely homophobic. They install their homophobic beliefs into me and make me feel disgusting for liking women (im not out because I have to keep myself safe but they often say homophobic comments during family dinner)

My family are just abusive towards me in general. They have this ideal version of a woman in their culture and me being the way i am (non religious, goth, likes art, questions a lot) they often call me a disappointment and often tell me they wish they never had me. (And thats while im closeted....) They make me feel so disgusting for liking women. It got so bad to the point where where i would sh in the past.

But these are not my thoughts. I must separate their thoughts from my own. I dont want to feel this way