Profile Tips - Goddamn Batman Edition

Welcome to Goddamn Batman’s FAQ and profile tips. Let’s get right down to it

1. Why do you post and who is your target audience and what is the purpose of your post ?

  • Believe it or not but for every salty nonce in the comments of each post (Exhibit A) there are 10 dudes in my DMs/comments telling me how my posts have directly/indirectly helped/inspired them (Exhibit B ). Point is, if I somehow help even one of you touch starved virgins get their dick wet and/or find love (LMAO) or just get a match (some have modest ambitions) then I hope to use it as a bargaining chip to get out of hell on judgement day. This has always been my primary reason from day 1.
  • Honestly just so I can redirect to this post the next time some DMs me asking for “Rizz or profile tips pls”

2. Do you get ghosted ? How do you deal with being ghosted ?

I do get ghosted. A lot. It’s just part and parcel of the dating experience. I remember when I was a young Padawan, a noob to the dating app game and I got ghosted for the first time. I was left confused. Did I say smn wrong ? Did I fumble ? But as I got older and gained experience to become the Jedi I am today I’ve stopped questioning it. Maybe her ex came back into her life. Maybe she found someone better. Maybe she deleted the app. Maybe she moved countries. You’d have more luck reversing the second law of thermodynamics than figuring out what goes on inside a woman’s brain. Of course it’s nice to have some communication and it’s nice when someone does and it does happen rarely like this nice msg I got recently (Exhibit C) All these things are out of your control (except if you were being a creep/making her uncomfortable which makes you a twat). If someone’s not interested there’s nothing you can do about it. Doesn’t matter if you look like Charles Leclerc or have rizz like Barney Stinson. Cut your losses and move on to the next.

3. Profile tips?

Okay I’m gonna start this off in an unorthodox way. I’m gonna describe/point out things in a profile, you SHOULDN’T have. Also, gonna have to preface that this is my personal opinion. Just because a certain thing has worked/not worked for me does not mean it's a universal rule. What doesn't work for me, may work for you so stick to your strengths ig.

Funnily enough, a lot of the below mentioned points apply to both guys AND girls (not like women need any profile tips to get matches lmao but hey everyone can improve their profile and it’s more like icks/mostly left swipes if I see this on your profile)

Profile DONT’S

I’m sorry but this adds absolutely no value. Nobody cares about your geeky ass job or your mainstream ass interests. There’s 500k others just like you. The entire point of your profile is to stand out

  • Overused/lame/low effort prompts (Exhibit F) (Exhibit G )
  • Any overt/cringey displays of wealth or status (for ex. Pics of/with cars, watches, money etc.)
  • Pictures of random shit which has absolutely nothing to do with you (ex. Sunsets, landscapes, buildings, food, dogs). This one baffles me. A dating app profile is basically an advertisement of yourself. You have 5 pictures to show yourself off. I’m not on the app to see your fkn dog or a concert)
  • Having no pictures that show off your face properly (if you’re 20+ and don’t have 5 decent pictures it ain’t gonna work bruh. However I can empathize. Most dudes don’t have too many pics taken of themselves. Until a couple of years back, my main bumble picture was a picture from when I was fkn 17. I’m the least photogenic person in the world however in the last couple of years I went out of my way to make sure I had atleast 5-6 good pictures of myself)
  • Prompts which clearly mention height requirements or boasts about height (guy or girl)
  • Only pictures of your face (No fully body pics)
  • Prompts which display entitlement/narcissism/materialism (Exhibit H)
  • Prompts with strong/controversial religion/political opinions or edgy prompts (Exhibit I)
  • Prompts which are a brag/show offish
  • Prompts which are sexual (ONLY if it’s NOT in a humorous context)
  • More than 2 pics in the same outfit/location/pose
  • Pictures where you look like a totally different person as compared to your other pics and heavily edited/filtered pictures
  • Group pictures/pictures with a friend (ok this one’s gonna be controversial but I’m not a fan of group pictures at all. Yea sure maybe an exception if you look really good but if all your pics are w somebody else or in a group its an ick) and pics with family members
  • Bios with Insta or other socials mentioned and bios/prompts with bad grammar and typos
  • Pics of u smoking (I smoke myself and have pretty good pics where I happen to be smoking but I’d never use it on a dating app cos there are people who are super icky about smoking. Plus it comes off as kinda wannabe. Why reduce ur chances of matching for no reason?)

4. Ok now what is a good profile then?

  • You’ve got to stand out. A person would be swiping through 100s of profiles a day and the entire trick to getting most matches is to catch their attention.
  • Get a funny bio or prompt which isn’t overused from the internet. You’re not gonna win any medals for being original and creative (I mean good for you if you do come up with something but there’s nothing wrong w using existing ones) but finding something which isn’t overused is easier said than done. It took me about a year to find 3 prompts that I’m happy with. Now what is funny ? That’s subjective ofc but this is an example of a type of prompt/bio I’d use (Exhibit J)
  • Good mix of pics. As mentioned earlier you don’t want 5 similar pics. The more varied they are the better. For ex. There’s nothing wrong with selfies (I have 2 myself out of the 6 pics on hinge) but I personally try to avoid mirror selfies and also don’t keep more than 2 selfies. You don’t want every single picture of yours being a selfie or any other picture with the same pose
  • Physique pics. If you have a good physique which you worked hard for. Why not show it off? There's nothing wrong w physique pics but there’s a fine line between “damn he’s fit” and “seems like a choot”. Try to avoid pics within a gym (ex. gym mirror selfies) or in the bathroom or pics of u flexing. A good non choot-y way to show off your physique is a good ol beach pic. It’s candid. Shows off your physique. And it’s always a plus to have a picture in a pretty location. I have 2 of those in my profile but I make sure it’s not more than 2 cos then it makes it seems like your entire personality is just being a gym bro which is a major ick
  • Atleast one fully visible face pic
  • Good lighting and no edits in any pics
  • Atleast one fully visible full body pic
  • Travel pics/pic w scenery. You don’t need to travel to Switzerland or Spain to have travel pics or a good outdoor pic. Even a good picture at a local beach or w a pretty sunset works.

5. Can I DM you ?

Yes but do not DM if:

  • You want me to share my prompts or bio (go find your own lil bro)
  • You’re going to be rude or entitled and are going to ask personal/weird questions about me or anyone else (ex. My body count or uncensored pics of matches)
  • You’re not going to be direct about your intentions or requests. No vague or dumb questions like “bro gimme rizz tips 🙏 “ or “bro teach me” or “how to improve my personality” . What I do not appreciate is people wasting my time so please don't do whatever tf this is (Exhibit K)
  • You’re going to message me a ss of ur chat with like “what do I reply next”. Like bro good job you copy pasted a line from Reddit and got a match and now you didn’t plan ahead after that? These kinda posts are frequent on the sub too and I find it hilarious. Like ok I’m assuming your end goal is to meet this girl irl at some point ? What are you gonna do then? Are you gonna crowd source a reply or use chat gpt then too to get laid? Or do you want me to bang her on your behalf too?
  • If you want to sext
  • You’re going to ask about tips for Investment banking/finance/passing CFA/getting a job. Please go to linked in or r/FinancialCareers or r/CFA for advice. I already work 14 hours a day last thing I want is to talk about work when I just wanna doomscroll and shitpost on Reddit. However, you can refer my posts on the r/CFA subreddit for tips and difficulty rating (quite dated tho) (CFA Levels Difficulty ranking)

Might do a part 2 with more FAQs and gym/diet tips if I feel like it. Happy swiping!