My doctor finally messaged me about my lab results… it’s bad

I will not share my result numbers. But my liver enzymes are extremely elevated and my white blood cell count is extremely low. I’m copying and pasting the last part of my doctor said here:

“All of these findings are likely related to severe malnutrition from anorexia. It is crucial to address these issues with close medical observation and support. Therefore, I recommend hospitalization to ensure you receive the necessary care to stabilize your health, including nutritional support and monitoring for any complications.

We can do this by trying to get you directly admitted to the hospital (if space is available) or by utilizing the emergency room to assist in facilitating the admission. I will ask my nursing staff to contact you to determine how you would like to proceed.”

The nurse on the phone told me that she wouldn’t recommend this if the situation wasn’t serious. She sounded sad for me. My mind is torn. I don’t want to get better, I feel like anorexia is all I have. But also, I could die and I don’t want to do that to my twin sister, she’s my best friend. But I’m also having.. dark thoughts and am super depressed. This makes it super hard to want to be better. I don’t want to go inpatient and lose my independence.