Urinal Warfare: A Weird Habit I Can’t Shake Off

Whenever I use a public restroom, I find myself doing something odd. If someone is at the urinal next to me, I instinctively try to create the loudest splash possible while simultaneously peeing as little as I can—just so I can outlast them.

At first, I wondered why I do this. After some thought, I realized it's probably my subconscious way of asserting some form of “manhood,” as if lasting longer means having a better bladder—and in my twisted logic—better reproductive abilities than the guy next to me.

Curious, I did a bit of research and found no scientific connection between bladder capacity and sexual prowess. You’d think that would stop me, right? Nope. Even after learning this, I still do it.

I think what really drives me is the little rush of satisfaction when I “win.” It’s a brief, silly moment of triumph. If I lose? No big deal—I just come up with excuses or plan to do better next time.

Honestly, it’s become a weirdly entertaining game. So, to any fellow restroom warriors out there, I highly recommend giving it a shot. Next time you’re at the urinal: engage in urinal warfare. It’s weirdly fun!