I'm a lost NCO at this point.

I'm currently a SSgt, damn sure not making tech this year. And to be entirely honest, I don't want it. My days consist of just going through the motions until I can get home and drown myself in liquor again. I put on a happy face pretty good but I'm more worn down than the brakes on a teenager's '08 mustang. I'm there for my airmen 100% but I have no self worth. I never feel good enough at anything. I'm tired of myself. Seeing my airmen through is the only thing keeping me from walking down the middle of I-95 at night. I've tried talking to people but that doesn't help. I don't need spiritual or hypothetical or theoretical suggestions or advice. My brain treats all of that as rhetorical anyway. Sorry for the rant. Enjoy y'all weekend