never done this before but need help

so I'm new to reddit but i thought i would give it a try to maybe get help my life is not doing great i had a great Christmas with my family until i tried to bring up my grandma which everyone hates and i feel like I've lost all my friends to be honest I've thought about kms a lot I've been wanting a relationship a lot I've never been in one before and no matter what i do or try i get shot down by girls because of my looks,weight,height and etc..