moving out

can someone please help me have some piece of mind? i’m in the process of moving out. i’m 18. my parents are divorced and i stopped regularly visiting my dad about three years ago. my mom and step dad are fine. my mom is always outside smoking, or working. and my step dad is really distant, he works a lot. i spent almost all of my time at home scrolling, or crying. always daydreaming of other places. i only ever tried to leave go be somewhere else. hangout with my boyfriend or friends. my mom babied me while i was at home, answering all of my problems for me. but she was always there. i love her so much. and now that im spending time at my new house and back at home here and there. i still find myself feeling that empty depressed feelings at her house. but she’s told me how lonely it is there without me. but when i’m home i feel like this huge weight on my shoulders. like i can’t do anything. like i just want to bed rot. we all spend our time in separate room. i found a home for 375 a month. splitting it with my bf makes it almost nothing. but i feel so awful for her. i feel awful fro leaving her with my man baby step dad. in that big empty house. i’m the youngest child. my three other siblings are all years older than me so she hasn’t had to deal with anyone leavin in a while. i still find myself in that lonely feeling when my boyfriend is at work and im just home. but i step outside and feel so accomplished. but im so young what if it all catches up to me in a few years and it just stings still. my boyfriend has an awful home life and i wanted to do this to help him too. but im scared my mom will just be depressed. i miss her. i know its normal. but i just can’t let myself be happy. be happy that im reaching for independence and be proud that im doing things that scare me. because i never did that at home. will my mom be okay? will i always feel this way?